October is the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. We often don’t recognize how often loss impacts us and our loved ones. About one in ten pregnancies end in miscarriage.1 One in 175 births are stillbirths, a similar number to infants who pass away during their first year of life.2 You likely know someone who’s experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, or perhaps you’ve experienced a loss yourself. This month is a time for us to remember those babies we loved for a short time here on earth.
October is a great time to intentionally support the loved ones in your life who are remembering their losses. With that in mind, here are a few ways to support your friend who’s lost a pregnancy or infant:
1: Recognize your friend’s loss, no matter what stage of development. Whether a baby was lost at five weeks gestation or five months old, every baby’s life has value and deserves to be remembered, mourned, and celebrated. Don’t say things like, “you can always have another baby,” “at least you weren’t farther along in your pregnancy,” or anything that may downplay the loss she has experienced. Instead, acknowledge the life of her little one and her love for that baby. Use her baby’s name when speaking of the baby. Acknowledge that her loss was meaningful and that you care for her and her baby.
2: Be there and listen. So often when our friends are walking through loss or facing an anniversary of a loss, we feel like we need to have an answer or the ability to fix our friend’s pain. We may feel unsure of whether to bring up our friend’s loss and risk causing more pain, or risk not mentioning her loss and her feeling uncared for. The truth is, your friend is grieving regardless, so go ahead and express your sympathy for her. You can’t fix anything for her, but you can be there for her. You don’t need to have anything profound to say. Let her know you are remembering her loss and are available to listen, to pray with her, and to cry with her if she needs.
3: Remember important anniversaries. The baby’s birthday/due date is a yearly reminder of your friend’s little one. The anniversary of her loss may also be significant in your friend’s life. Your friend may seem distant or more emotional around these anniversaries. Extend compassion and let your friend know you remember her baby, too. If appropriate, send a card or flowers, or offer to go with your friend to visit her baby’s burial place. You may feel like you don’t know what to say, but, again, you don’t need to have something profound to say. Just knowing that a friend remembered this important anniversary can be a comfort to a grieving mom.
4: Affirm your friend’s motherhood. Your friend became a mother the moment she first conceived. This is especially important to remember if your friend does not have any living children. No matter how far her pregnancy progressed, she was and is a mother. Affirm your friend’s motherhood by reminding her that she loved, cared for, and nurtured her baby, even if it was only for a short time.
5: Let your friend know about counseling or support groups available to her. Not every mom will want to see a counselor or join a support group, but for many it can be a place to help process her emotions and know that she is not alone in her grief. There are many support groups available online, and there may be in-person groups available in your area.
6: Don’t forget about dad. When we think of pregnancy and infant loss, mothers are the first to come to mind. But dad has experienced a loss, too. Recognize his grief and loss. Some fathers may feel that they have to appear strong or be the support system for the mother of the baby. He may struggle with recognizing and working through his own grief or may feel that he is invisible or his feelings aren’t as important as mom’s. Make sure dad doesn’t grieve alone. Let dad know that you care for him and his baby and you grieve with him.
We hope that this article has given you some helpful tips on supporting your friend who has experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. If you have experienced a loss, we want you to know that we grieve with you today. As you remember your baby or a loved one’s baby, we want you to know that you and your baby are deeply loved.
Resources:
- Cleveland Clinic. “Miscarriage: Risks, Symptoms, Causes & Treatments.” Cleveland Clinic, 2019, https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9688-miscarriage. Accessed 8 Sept. 2026. ↩︎
- CDC. “Data and Statistics on Stillbirth.” Stillbirth, 14 May 2024, https://www.cdc.gov/stillbirth/data-research/index.html. Accessed 8 Sept. 2026. ↩︎