Have you found yourself facing an unplanned pregnancy and asking yourself, “How did this happen? I have never wanted to be a parent.” It can be difficult wrapping your head around a pregnancy when this is something you told yourself would never happen.
As a teen I decided I didn’t want kids.
I had a front row seat to the deep pain and grief my parents experienced at the hands of my siblings. I vividly remember the tensions and the “I hate yous” that were thrown around along with the yelling and screaming that filled their conversations.
As I sat on my bedroom floor, trying to drown it out, I decided that I wouldn’t have kids. Why would I willingly open myself up to be hurt??
After graduating from college and getting married I became a nanny. My first position was with a family who had 3 young boys. It was a sharp learning curve to say the least, but it didn’t take long before those sweet kids worked their way into my heart.
I vividly remember driving to work one morning and this beautiful sense of pride came over me. I was incredibly proud of the littlest boy who was learning and growing by leaps and bounds every day. In that moment I knew that if I could feel this much emotion for a child that wasn’t mine, surely, I would feel it a thousand times more for one who was.
That was the day my heart began to open to the idea of having my own children.
Nearly 10 years later I now have 3 kids. I never would have guessed how much I’d love being their mom. Of course, there are days when I lose every ounce of sanity but never once have I regretted having them. They fill my days with wonder, early mornings, joy, frustration (which forces me to grow) and an abundance of love. One day they will likely make choices that break my heart, just like my siblings broke my parents’ hearts, but I know that because of the deep love I have for them, we will make it through every bump along the way.
We can’t predict our future and often what ends up happening is far greater then we ever imagined.
